"Some Days"

I find it ironic that this blog boils down to pursuit of change.  For years we've been waiting and hoping for our lives to drastically change with the arrival of a little one thrusting us into parenthood.  Thus far there is nothing I can do to hasten that elusive change, yet so many other aspects of life are changing at a pace my head and emotions can't quite keep up with.  The irony is...it turns out that the majority of the time I don't really like change and choose to resist it.

Resistance is futile.  My sister is moving to Japan, close friends are moving...to Arizona, to Nebraska, our cherished adoptive parent counselor has left our agency, a dear friend and mentor at work has suddenly moved on to other pursuits, a very personable pastor at our church is moving to Texas, we're even leaving our home (and our stairs) for a fresh start in a bigger place near by.  These are NOT bad changes, but its all a bit overwhelming.

Truth be told if actually given a chance to resist with influence I wouldn't.  Why?  With these changes prayers are being answered, and friends and family are moving closer to their goals and dreams, for their families, and individually.  Its an exciting time, but as it turns out there is a part of it that stings my wounds from infertility.  Some of those areas of life and relationships that are changing have been more to me than a source of joy and a comfort zone.  They have been the present embodiment of family life and parenthood that I'm waiting to join.  As those changes take place I am saddened by the "some days" that are turning into "nevers."  I could envision these "some days" since they were right before me every day, and I was looking forward to them, yet their new versions have not yet come into focus. 

I must remember that God never said to rely on comfort zones, nor what I can see.  He said to rely on Him.  This is a wonderful gift, a beautiful offer, but one that's often so hard for me to accept.  I know that the future is bright, and the blessings of family of close friends stand the test of time and change.  Many of the changes that I'm so afraid of will turn into blessings and some of the most cherished and special times, I am sure.  I just have to be patient and trusting during these transitions because one thing is certain, life will always be changing.  Frankly, it would be boring and less purposeful if it stagnated.